Remember how I was all excited to get my recent blood work results back, because I was just sure that by losing 20 lbs, I would have improved my numbers? Well, I got my results back Friday and . . . it didn’t happen. My cholesterol was actually up a few points from when a different doctor tested it about 6 months ago.
The difference wasn’t statistically significant—a difference of just a few points—but I felt absolutely gutted. Like one very important motivator for my weight-loss journey (my health) wasn’t immediately getting whipped into shape, and that meant that my whole effort was a big fat failure. Suddenly the 23 lbs I’d lost seemed like a hollow victory. I went to bed with a heavy, disappointed heart Friday night. I felt like the reason my cholesterol hadn’t changed for the better must be the fact that I still eat lots of refined foods with long ingredient lists.
Saturday I was up and fighting again, determined to eat only whole foods and make all my meals from scratch at home and be the saintly picture of good eating habits. I decided I would actually cook something instead of microwaving a dinner. I purchased an armload of fresh local vegetables at the farmer’s market and M and I set about chopping them up. I’m not sure why I chose Butternut Squash Soup as my recipe . . . I guess because it always sounds so good when other people talk about it. But I am the girl who doesn’t even like pumpkin pie because of the texture, so evidently I was living on Planet Delusion, thinking somehow this pumpkin-family soup would totally not be the same. Basically, the soup came out more like my idea of baby food. Even M couldn’t eat more than a few bites, although he struggled valiantly. My virtuous experiment was a virtuous fail. I went to bed Saturday night feeling, if possible, even worse than I did Friday night.
Sunday I woke up and took a good look around. It was drizzling outside, and we had grocery shopping at Wal-Mart to do. The cold glare of reality was upon me.
I really dislike failing at things. I do believe that the physically healthiest diet is one of whole foods and lots of vegetables. That being said, when I started this whole weight-loss shebang, I told myself I was going to totally abandon rules about what I had to eat, as long as I got used to eating less, period.
Here is what a typical work day’s food looked like before I enacted my plan: Oatmeal or cereal at home; king-size candy bar mid-morning plus maybe a few mini-candies; Lean Pocket lunch; king-size candy bar mid-afternoon; ordering in a large Mexican meal for dinner; cupcake or candy for desert.
And here’s a typical work day while sticking to my calorie budget: Oatmeal or omelet with banana at home; apple and Fiber One bar mid-morning; Lean Pocket lunch; Kashi crackers and 1 oz cheese, pineapple mid-afternoon; Lean Cuisine personal pizza dinner; Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich desert.
I’m not entirely ignorant on the subject of nutrition; I realize that there is a lot to criticize in my “weight loss” eating pattern. That being said, I have actually been able to stick to this general plan. For almost three months. That is almost unheard-of for me. I still have a lot of weight (almost 60 lbs) to lose, which may in itself be what it takes to bring my cholesterol down.
I do feel certain I need to improve my food plan. However, I have to start where I am, as they say. For me, cooking an omelet is a big deal that I am proud of. I am no Betty Crocker, or even Hungry Girl! But I am willing to start moving toward more whole foods, to gradually eliminate some of the super-processed foods I eat. I am going to try making one new recipe a week at home—and no, Butternut Squash Soup is not on the list! I still purchased some of my usual low-calorie “favorites” at the grocery store yesterday, but I also picked up a new whole-grain Healthy Choice meal with a much shorter ingredients list and I snagged some hummus. At the farmer’s market on Saturday, we also bought farm-fresh eggs, baby spinach, and tangerines—all of which are on today’s menu.
I am imperfect. Can I be okay with that? I have to be. If I’m not, I won’t be in this weight-loss (and eventually maintenance) journey for the long haul.
No comments:
Post a Comment